My husband drinks: what to do, reasons, signs and errors

The problem of alcoholism in families is very common in many countries. According to statistics, every third woman faces alcoholism in her husband, it turns out that there is an alcoholic in 30% of our families - this figure is scary. At the same time, the husband's alcohol abuse has a detrimental effect on the entire family, and a large number of these families are already becoming a social problem. Families where a man drinks are more likely to become socially disadvantaged and children in these families suffer. Let's try to figure out why my husband drinks and what to do about it.

The main reasons why a husband starts drinking

First of all, it is worth distinguishing between everyday drunkenness and alcoholism. The first is drinking alcohol for pleasure and the second is addiction. However, when drinking for pleasure, a man who drinks has a high chance of becoming an alcoholic over time. The reasons why the husband starts drinking are as follows:

1. Entertainment. Many people start drinking alcohol at parties, in company, to improve their mood. A beer at a picnic in the summer, a glass of champagne on New Year's Eve or a cocktail or two in a bar at the weekend – it seems like there's nothing wrong with that.
2. Traditions. Men in our country grow up in a culture of constant drinking: it is customary to drink on holidays, if something significant happens, the first thing you need to do is get drunk, and people in the company are suspicious of those who do not drink.
3. Communication. Drinking helps you join the team, relax and feel more confident. Many men have difficulty meeting a girl without alcohol, so they overcome shyness.
4. Stress. In the post-Soviet space, it is not customary to go to a psychologist, and the culture imposes on a man the image of a brutal, masculine man, who does not have psychological problems and does not share his experiences. Men are often emotional and sensitive, but they are forced to hide their feelings, and drinking becomes the only way to deal with stress. This is a common reason for the onset and development of alcoholism.

How to understand that her husband became an alcoholic - the main signs

Many men drink alcohol from time to time, for example on holidays. Turns out they exaggerate. When should you start to worry? This question is often asked to psychologists by the wives of these men. Only a doctor can diagnose alcoholism. There are warning signs, when they appear it is time to act.

Regular use

If a man does not drink occasionally, but frequently and regularly, for example, on weekends, this is already a cause for concern. If your husband drinks every day, even a little, this is a sign of addiction. It is also important which drinks he drinks and in what quantities. Two liters of beer every night is a lot.

Alcohol tolerance and withdrawal symptoms

Alcohol is toxic to the body. The first cases of use result in severe poisoning, dizziness, nausea and vomiting. People call this "not knowing how to drink. "Over time, tolerance, that is, resistance to alcohol, increases and the man can drink more. This is how withdrawal symptoms, or hangovers appear - feeling unwell the next morning. In the final stages of alcoholism, tolerance to alcohol decreases again - all it takes to get drunk is a small amount of alcohol, literally "smelling the cork". And the withdrawal syndrome becomes pronounced and painful, there is a strong craving for alcohol and a desire for a hangover - drink a little to ease the pain. The hangover habit becomes a kind of transition point, after which severe alcoholism can occur.

The appearance of binges

Binge drinking is the continuous use of alcohol over several days (3 or more). At the same time, the drinking husband enters a special drinking cycle: every morning he feels bad, has a hangover, then drinks during the day and gets very drunk again, and the next morning he feels bad again and everything repeats itself again. With prolonged use of alcohol, mental disorders arise, for example, alcoholic delirium - "delirium tremens", a state of altered consciousness, accompanied by strong agitation, anxiety, fear or aggression and hallucinations.

Personality changes

Regular drunkenness leads to gradual personal changes that are invisible to loved ones, but addiction experts are well aware of this. These changes include:

• Increased irritability and difficulty controlling anger;
• Weakening of will, inability to resist desires;
• Self-blame, guilt and loss of self-esteem;
• Inability to take responsibility for one's own actions;
• Lying to loved ones and self-deception.

Over time, the alcoholic turns into a kind of adult child: he is not responsible for anything, he cannot control his actions, it is impossible to count on him - after all, at any moment he can get drunk, forget about agreements, spend money or even showing aggression towards loved ones: in this case it becomes dangerous. A sober alcoholic regrets his drunken actions and experiences strong feelings of guilt, anger at himself, or frustration, which again leads him to drink alcohol to distract himself from these negative emotions. He understands that something bad is happening, but he can't do anything. Wives of addicted husbands often say about them: "he is so good when he is sober, but when he drinks he is a different person. "

Social consequences

Typically, a drinker's relatives hide his addiction from others until the last moment. But there comes a time when it becomes difficult to do this. The alcoholic misses work or makes serious mistakes that lead to his dismissal. When drunk, he can commit various offenses or get hurt. Anyone who drinks regularly gradually loses self-control and becomes very unpleasant: friends and even relatives move away from them. Gradually, the people around him begin to avoid him, and his entire social circle is limited to other alcoholics. If this happens, it will be very difficult to get out of this vicious circle.

Mistakes that wives often make with a husband who drinks

Psychologists call the wives of drinking husbands "codependents. "This term means relatives of addicts who are in close contact with them and whose psyche also inevitably changes. Your behavior changes in such a way that, even against your will, it contributes to the development of alcoholism. Here are the main mistakes that wives of alcoholics make:

1. Accusations. Of course, the behavior of a drunk man and its consequences do not please his wives. They try to influence their husbands - they scold, nag, appeal to their conscience. Thus, they only sustain the feeling of guilt – one of the main causes of alcoholism.
2. Try to hide the problem from others. Often, the wife covers up for her husband in front of her relatives, makes excuses for her superiors and solves all the problems herself. Or she insists that you drink at home, locked up - it's safer.
3. Supporting the addict's lifestyle: the wife scolds her husband, but can help him "recover his health" from his hangover, gives him money to drink, looks for him among his alcoholic friends and takes him home. Sometimes she drinks with him - thinking that this way he will drink less.
4. Pity for the husband and faith in his promises to stop drinking: they are never fulfilled.
5. Ignoring the Problem: Because the husband is good when he doesn't drink, the wife resignedly tolerates her drunken behavior.

Often in codependent families one can observe a situation where the wife seems to be struggling with her husband's alcoholism - she shames him, tolerates him, gives him ultimatums, deprives him of money or sex and starts scandals. But at the same time, all her attempts have no effect: the husband only drinks more and more and the wife has more difficulty. But she receives a lot of sympathy from acquaintances who are aware of the situation. Compared to her husband, the people around her, such a woman seems like a great martyr: people sympathize with her and empathize with her. She uses her husband's alcoholism to justify her own problems and failures.

What to do if your husband drinks every day - advice from psychologists and narcologists

If your husband drinks, the worst solution is to put up with this problem, "carry your cross" and do nothing. Of course, a woman can always file for divorce and walk away. In addition, a drunken husband often brings more problems to the family than help, resources and money. But you can try to get rid of the addiction and save your family. Everyone who is close to an alcoholic needs to be patient: it will be difficult.

1. The most important thing is to eliminate alcohol from family life. Completely and forever. Don't forget that there are no ex-alcoholics. To avoid provocations, there should never be alcohol in your home again.
2. Most likely, the husband will not admit the problem and will not show a desire to be treated until the last minute. Sometimes, after a scary or painful experience, a drinker wants to stop, but then their resolve weakens – until the next time. Narcologists can help – cleanse the blood of toxins, alleviate a serious physical condition, improve your well-being with the help of medication. Next, a psychotherapist must work with the drug addict, as psychological dependence is more difficult to overcome than physical dependence.
3. It is important to establish contact. Talk to your husband, find out why he drinks. But you don't need to become your husband's psychologist. It is better to entrust mental problems to a specialist.
4. Change your environment. All alcoholic friends who drag the recovering person back into the swamp should be cut out of their life.
5. Don't take on everything alone. Don't give your husband money, don't hide his problems in front of your relatives. Remember that you are human too. Take care of yourself, your life should not be built around a family problem.
6. Don't shame a man and don't feel sorry for him. If you notice that he is trying to leave, you can help and support him in all his good endeavors. But be adamant if he reaches for the bottle again.

Remember that it is difficult to solve the problem of alcoholism in the family alone. Seek help: from narcologists, psychologists, support groups.

Traditional methods of treating alcoholism

All treatment methods can be divided into medication and psychotherapeutic.

With the help of medications, doctors can:

• Relieve hangover;
• Improve well-being, support the functioning of internal organs;
• Cleanse the blood of toxic substances - alcohol breakdown products;
• Reduce the desire for alcohol consumption - so-called replacement therapy.

Psychotherapy methods help reduce psychological dependence. These include:

• Coding: the doctor advises the addict not to drink, otherwise something bad will happen to him. Previously, the method of coding medicines was also popular - a special capsule was sewn under the skin of an alcoholic, which, getting into the bloodstream, released poison, leading to the death of the patient.
• Classical hypnosis: the psychotherapist gives instructions not to drink or crave alcohol. This method is similar to coding but is a little gentler as it does not include an imminent threat to health or life if used.
• NLP, or neurolinguistic programming: the specialist uses the patient's perception channels – auditory, visual and tactile – to reinforce the desired reactions and reduce the desire for alcohol.
• Complex therapy (psychoanalysis, CBT, Gestalt approach): the psychotherapist deeply analyzes the addict's psychological problems and indicates ways to resolve them, helping to learn new forms of behavior.

alternative medicine

Non-traditional methods of treating alcoholism include herbal remedies that cause a strong reaction in the body when used in conjunction with alcohol. For example, the dung mushroom, tasty and harmless, even with a small dose of alcohol causes severe nausea, vomiting, fever and palpitations. With prolonged use, the mushroom's active substances accumulate in the body and are not completely eliminated, causing a characteristic reaction to each alcohol intake. This method has long been used in villages to cure alcoholics from addiction.

To alleviate the painful condition of alcohol intoxication, folk remedies are also used: decoction of mint and lemon balm, St. John's wort, bay leaf, apple cider vinegar, honey, cabbage mixture and pomegranate juice.

All kinds of conspiracies and slander about water "so that the husband does not drink", prayers, reproaches against drunkenness are also used - these methods are popular among the people, but their effectiveness has not been proven.

Is it possible to force your husband to stop drinking without his consent?

Some wives, seeing that their husband is not going to stop drinking alcohol, try to eliminate him from the bad habit on their own, without her knowledge. For example, they add some medicines to food and drink. This is very dangerous and doctors do not recommend doing this.

To stop drinking, the addict must want it alone, realizing that alcoholism is destroying their health, their relationships and their life. But that doesn't happen often. Addiction changes the psyche in such a way that the alcoholic strives to never stop drinking.

However, there are things that the wife of an alcoholic can start doing at any time to get her husband to stop drinking and that depend solely on her. She needs to realize her victim position and change her way of thinking. Start changing what you don't like in life, don't tolerate what you don't like, respect yourself. Don't solve other people's problems, don't take responsibility for another adult. It is important to remember that alcoholism is not a disease, but a harmful addiction that destroys life and family. To change yourself and start thinking more about yourself, you may need long-term work with a psychologist.

How do you know when it's time to seek help from a narcologist?

There are several characteristic signs by which one can say with certainty that the addiction has gone too far and cannot be overcome without professional help. These include:

• Frequent and regular use with painful hangovers;
• Lack of control over the amount of drinking (once a man starts drinking, he cannot stop);
• Drinking alone at home (drinking at home can later lead to serious alcoholism);
• Lies and hidden bottles of alcohol (husband tries to hide the fact of drinking from his wife);
• Binges lasting several days from which the drunk can no longer recover on his own.

All these signs indicate the development of a dangerous phase of alcoholism, when the addict needs urgent professional help. The alcoholic's relatives must send him for treatment, otherwise his addiction will develop quickly with the most serious consequences, up to death. There is no need to endanger the lives and health of all family members, it is better to immediately consult a doctor.